Tuna Fish and Tollhouse Cookies

Embracing our ancestral dishes.

I know I promised bolognese, but look, the dog died. I can’t be counted on to provide a fully homemade dish when the dog dies.

Next week, I promise. Both for a tribute to the dog, which lived a long and healthy life until last Friday, and then spent her last days sleeping in the sun in the backyard, and then in the closet, in quiet comfort — which is a miracle given she mothered three small children — and for the bolognese. My family, of course, loved the dog, but they’re also short on bolognese.

Being that its a Friday during Lent and I’m running short on time to get this newsletter out, I’ll instead give you an American Catholic staple meal for meatless days: tuna noodle casserole and original-recipe tollhouse cookies. There’s nothing — absolutely nothing — fancy about this recipe, by design. Every time I’ve tried to improve on it, someone has rejected it. Better tuna? No, thanks. Add onions and garlic? Absolutely not. Swap out the canned carcinog…I mean, canned soup for something homemade? Never. Toasted bread crumbs instead of Lays potato chips? Not a chance.

They heydey of the housewife was also the heydey of chemical cuisine for a number of reasons — most women weren’t amazing gourmet cooks and newfangled inventions like the aluminum can and the chemical preservative revolutionized American cooking. The resultant meals were fast, tasted passable, could be eaten both in front of the the TV or at the dining table with half the husband’s c-suite in attendance (granted, they’d also had some gimlets — just like the missus! — so flavor wasn’t really a priority). And tollhouse cookies impress everyone.

Without further ado.

Dinner: Campbell’s Tuna Noodle Casserole

1 can (10 1/2oz) Campbell’s Condensed Cream of Mushroom (you can at least use name brand)

1/2 cup whole milk

1 cup frozen green peas

2 5oz-ish cans tuna (in water, if possible)

2 cups egg noodles (cooked according to package directions)

1 small bag Lay’s potato chips (plain, crushed)

Salt and pepper (more if you accidentally get the “low sodium” soup)

Heat oven to 400.

In a 9x13 baking pan (the kind you might use for lasagna), stir together the soup, frozen peas, tuna and cooked noodles until the ingredients are evenly distributed and then season the mixture with a bit of salt and pepper and stir again. The egg noodles, if they’ve been recently boiled, will sort of heat the mixture in a way that melts the peas and adds a bit of liquid, which is essential to the texture.

Pop into the oven for about 20 minutes.

Take the casserole out and stir the ingredients again to ensure that the mixture is heated thoroughly and evenly, that the noodles on the edges don’t get rubbery, and that the peas in the center thaw completely. Cover the casserole in an even layer with the crushed potato chips.

Return the casserole to the oven for five more minutes or until the tips of the potato chips begin to turn golden brown.

Serve immediately, but wait a few minutes to enjoy or risk scolding your mouth with tuna flavored magma.

Dessert: Nestle Original Recipe Tollhouse Cookies

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter at room temperature

3/4 granulated WHITE sugar

3/4 packed LIGHT BROWN sugar

2 eggs

The recipe also calls for these exact measurements — 1 teaspoon vanilla and 2 cups semi-sweet Nestle chocolate chips — but its Lent so we can simply leave measurements here up to the Holy Spirit. I’m usually inspired to go a little above and beyond with the vanilla and just use the whole bag of chocolate chips.

Photo by Joshua Bedford on Unsplash

Heat oven to 375.

Combine your dry ingredients — your flour, baking soda, and salt — in a bowl that is not the bowl that belongs to your mixer. In your mixer bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until you get a nice, even, fluffy consistency (about three to five minutes depending on how aggressive you are with mixer speed). Add the vanilla and then the eggs one at a time until everything is thoroughly blended togther (as in, add vanilla, mix, add one egg, mix, add second egg, mix).

Now add the dry ingredient mixture about a cup or so at a time, making sure everything has mixed thoroughly into the dough after you add each cup.

Finally, add the chocolate chips and mix for a minute so that the chips are distributed evenly through the dough.

Enjoy!

No, don’t, really. That’s against the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s cookie dough consumption guidelines. Instead, spoon whatever is left onto a cookie sheet or sheets. I usually use a tablespoon or ice cream scoop to generally measure out each of the cookies, then I roll them into balls. A dozen or so will fit comfortably on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.

If you’re desperate for cookies, you can put the dough right into the oven for about 10 minutes. The cookies will taste the same, but they will not be photo ready. If you can spare the time, put your cookie sheets into the refrigerator for 30 minutes to an hour and then go straight from the cold fridge to the hot oven.

Again, make sure you let the cookies cool on a wire rack or on the stovetop for a few minutes before consuming.

*Today’s photos are brought to you buy my bizarre cookbook collection. You’re welcome for the appetizing depictions!